Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19): You will find great joy in the DSST: Byers 2018 Second Edition Newspaper. Especially while reading the horoscopes. This will lead to an inner desire to join this fantastic club. Especially if you are a sophomore of freshman. Please join me. I’m so lonely.
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20): Eggnog is objectively the worst of the holiday season drinks. Avoid this at all costs, and you will have a bright future ahead.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20): Experiment with colorful holiday baking. Take those gingerbread houses and make ‘em purple. They will aid you in finding joy.
Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22): In the coming weeks, you will find that your constant lack of lead for your mechanical pencil will cause you to branch out to new people. Possess bravery, and get the lead, dear friend.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22): While decorating for the holidays, you will find that you will have a strange, fulfilling liking for scarves. Find answers in the colorful fabrics.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22): Your stars are telling you to go on a holiday movie marathon for an entire weekend. If the stars say so… then I guess you have to…
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22): You will find the versatility and necessity of hot chocolate. Long day? Hot chocolate. Snow? Hot chocolate.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21): This holiday season, branch out. Find a grinch and make ‘em a finch.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21): The buoys of life will reveal themselves in the near future. Keep sailing, friend.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19): Instead of getting that special someone a meaningful gift, get them something cow themed. Mugs, foods, stickers. Or, you could just wrap yourself up.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18): During your desperate countdown until winter break, you will realize that you’ve been so caught up in waiting for something that’s going to come regardless that you’ve missed out on your life. Take time to appreciate where you are.
Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20): Your undying love for pizza will soon uncover a long lasting relationship. Be the sauce.